Monday, 29 December 2014

Happy New Year

December is assuredly the most positive time of the year, probably because it's when you start accepting the evolution of past 11 months, it is absolutely astoundingly beautiful yet scary how things changed and you ultimately lived through everything. Irrespective of the hard times, you sit back and realize how right it was and then there is a new beginning waiting for you.
Although, not many would disagree with me that the promises and plans you make in the beginning for the whole new year is no where close to the actual when it ends, because we'll never be ahead of time, not even close.
I feel each year is like a friend, who solely plans and also implements it all, creates and retains memories in its name, does the right thing irrespective of the hurt it causes, because in the end, you'll find yourself in a place where you couldn't plan to be, by yourself. Each year you befriend a number and have it added to your age and memories. Maybe a decade later you'll be like "2010 was the best year for it  made me meet the love of my life" or "The proudest feeling was getting honored with a graduation degree in 2013" or "If it wasn't in 2014 when I moved to this city I'd still be sulking in that restless job." The point is that the contribution of each year to this thing called life is inevitable and equally significant.
Year concept is so beautiful, like it's not too short to lose it's importance nor long enough to lose hope for a fresh start. It's so amazing to be able to genuinely move on with not-even-followed-for-a-month resolutions for life. Maybe it's the hope that keeps us going. I remember how hopeful I was that 2014 was going to be good because it's an even number and now 2015 is going to be so much better because ironically it just doesn't sound that odd. Whatever the number might be, a year will always embark on excitement and end on a contented note of acceptance.
I raise my glass with ecstasy to this very ending year and forthcoming start.
Thank you 2014,You guided me back home.

Thursday, 18 December 2014

War against the Unjust

I've been fighting my urge to write this for so long due to paucity of knowledge. I don't think I understand much about these terrorists, politics, religion or anything at all. Honestly, I still don't exactly get what and why this 'Taliban' thing is after an hour of googling, maybe most of so many people who lost their lives of this neither.
I can't recall much from my time though I do have fair flashbacks, in fact we all have that, from 2008 Mumbai Attack, that Virgina Tech shootings, 7/11 Delhi Bombings, then elementary school shootings in Connecticut back in 2012 and so many incidents that our minds fail to retain. And now learning this attack in Peshawar just breaks my heart. I no longer know who I want to pray in front of for those little souls to rest in peace and for those who lost their loved ones to nothing and will never know peace anymore and are just going to fight the rage of helplessness for rest of their lives.
I don't want to refer to the poor laws or any political leaders or parties for not doing anything about it, Maybe they can't help it either, for they are just as destroyable as we are, the normal people. This day, I question the existence of any God at all. I believe this has to be His job to step in and concede justice.
Why is it always the innocent who suffers, not just in attacks but of diseases and accidents too? Why not ever one of the terrorists who are after lives of the innocent, accidentally hit his car and just die? Why aren't they ever the victims of Cancers and tumors because they totally deserve it? Maybe I'm just emotional and naive. But seriously why don't bad things happen to bad people and good things to good? Isn't this the logic? 
And if nothing is fair, What is the whole point of life? or religions or countries or law or anything? Why do we have to live for the day when someone shoots a gun aimlessly in our face and walk past without having to pay for it?
Hard to absorb but this is never getting better, this will never be better. This world is and will always be unfair. Maybe a complete restart of humanity could work or maybe cruelty and humanity go hand in hand.

Monday, 8 December 2014

The Unleft

Because I let you take our cat
and upcoming vacation tickets 
and our favorite polaroid 300
and all our stuff, now yours,
leaving nothing to myself
but independence
of starting over
may be a little sadder, but wiser,
after 'we' are hopelessly done
like my shallow crave of growing
an inch or two taller or slimmer,
Not that I don't sense you now
in every sip of our favorite coffee, sadly
the guy at cafe smiles and lifts his heels 
to see from how far you follow me in,
or when I put the same shirt 
I wore the first time you hugged me,
hard to get why it still whiffs of
your bergamot and olive blossom, aroma
that grew on me like a tumor. 
I still see you in my dreams 
laughing with me, sometimes brawiling,
defining and undefining 
the meaning of love.
Each morning tastes of yesterdayness 
and of dreams of betrayal.
I see you through all the places
we explored, the cities we toured to,
those roads now mapped on my palms
to be read like horoscope,
un-do-able. 
Come what may,
I shift from where
You were my way in between 
the rights and wrongs
to some way in between bereft
and the reaches you never left.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Someday, Maybe

Like one of those flimsy hopes 
that keep us going nowhere,
I secretly believe in coincidences,
and myths of a kind that
world is really a small place.
Like they show in movies
which spoil and grow on us,
that years from now
someday somewhere somehow
We'll find each other again
far away, in a third city
that belongs to neither of us.
I let myself hope that
we'll meet at a coffee shop
sited on a boulevard road,
ordering the same coffee
on a common counter,
Or we'll collide in rain
on a busy road with a hurried crowd 
and we'll find time to
look past to have each other's glance,
Or,
We'll be facing each other
in Coast Starlight, travelling
from Seattle to Los Angeles.
Maybe you'll look at me, 
maybe you'll still remember
how we dreamt of the train together,
maybe we'll fail to smile 
and realize how we never moved on
maybe we could blame time
for not being the right one,
maybe you'll reach to hug 
the emptiness out of me 
may be we'll find 
the long lost love,
maybe we could start over
and guide each other back home.
maybe we could try again,
maybe.



Thursday, 20 November 2014

Us

"I need your help!" Samay shouted as I picked up his call.
"What the hell do you want in the mid of the night?" I was in the middle of a dream which I won't ever spare him for breaking.
"I want to buy a gift for Kiara" he said.
Okay, so Kiara was leaving the city and returning to her hometown and we had planned this farewell lunch which Aarav was probably not going to join,  as unlike three of us, he had a real job that paid him pretty well. We four met during our training with a common firm where there were around ten more people who could be a part of our group but more people just don't like getting along.
"Are you even there?"
"Yes yes, what gift, why gift?" I was still not in my senses.
"She is leaving tomorrow, I want to give her something. Help me."
"Okay what do you want to gift?"
"Why do you think have I called you?"
"Oh man, gift some fancy chocolates and a card."
"No! I want to give something that'll never finish, something she needs to take care of"
"Okay, we'll hunt for something before lunch. I know this gift store near my place, I'll help you choose"
"Oh sure you will, you are my savior! I love you." Samay never skips a chance to confess stuff like this.
"Oh bite me!" I was disgusted as ever. "Wait! You never gifted me anything, you ass!" This is probably the first thing that comes to mind when you are asked to company someone to buy a present for a mutual friend.
"Oh little Eleena, what do you think I haven't thought anything for you? Let the right time come." he would have winked saying this in live.
"Haha, cool haann, okay I'm going back to sleep now, you'll be charged if you want to talk more."
"No! I just can't afford it, Right then, See you at 10, place?"
"My place, we'll go from here"
"Cool, Good night. Bye."
"Bye" I hung up.
I dozed off thinking why were we even planning for a lunch, like why so decent, while we were not at all lunch kind of people, we were and still are 5 shots of anything unethical down kind of people.

***
Next morning, Samay called me right at 10 while I was still asleep, I welcomed him in as he continued yelling at me for not being ready. I don't know why he even keeps expecting me on time after having known me for two long years.
I calmed him down by serving my instant already beaten hot coffee, the weather was just on the verge of crisping those days, also Samay is so easy to deal if you can just offer him something to drink or eat. I switched on the LED for him so he could kill time while I got ready.
***
An hour of roaming around every possible store, we were sitting at a random railing eating roadside maggi.
"I don't want to buy anything for her" he is beyond just unstable and unpredictable.
"What now?"
"There are just so many people already making her feel so special, what could I possibly do to even compete that level."
"Oh, you are just thinking too much, we're buying that tshirt thing, cool no?" though I knew that he wasn't feeling anything unnatural.
"No, I'm no longer in a mood." he straight away declared heading back towards the car indicating me to leave.
"What the fuck! You are so fickle minded Samay"

***
"I'll pick you up at 1" I said as he got out of the car.
"1 means 1!" he proclaimed.
We still had time so I dropped him to office and drove back home to get shower.
"It's 1.15, are you even coming?" Samay called.
"I'm on my way, 5 minutes." I hung up, I was still thinking what could I do of my hair in front of the mirror.
***
Samay always waits for me and we in turn wait for others. We had come to the City's only good mall to wait for Kiara to come. Me and Samay roamed around every possible corner of the mall. It was 2 and Kiara was supposed to be there by 1.30.
"Where are you?" I finally called her.
"Hey, I'm at my flat, it'll take me around half an hour more" Kiara said.
"Okay, No problem" I hung up.
"What?" Samay inquired.
"30 minutes" I said knowing his reaction already
"What the fuck, why can't she ever keep us in our priorities?" He snatched his phone from my hand, "We're leaving right now. I don't have whole day" He said typing something in his phone.
"Who are you texting?" I asked
"I've messaged Kiara that we are leaving and she replied with an ok"
"No, we aren't. It's her last day. Don't mess it up" I yelled at him.
"It's already messed up. She always does this. She comes hours late and leaves hours before us. Why? Are we the least important ones. And don't you try to make me understand anything now. I'm leaving, you can stay if you want to." Samay was in his most disappointed tone.
"Okay if you want that" I started walking along with him.
"But, at least we can eat here. I'm hungry" I said.
"Yes sure, to the food court" he said as we headed to take the lift for top floor.
This is the thing about Samay. He could stay there aimlessly for two more hours but couldn't wait 20 minutes for Kiara.
***
 We got our Cheese Chicken Pasta and a sizzler on our table after few minutes of ordering.
"I'm sorry, I wanted to meet you. But you have fun."
I whatsapped Kiara without letting Samay know about it, to which Kiara instantly replied
"I wanted to meet you guys too and I was so excited about it. I'm at my flat and not having any fun. There was some problem here which is why I got late. Some days are just meant to be spoiled.
Anyways, I'll miss you babe. I love you." 
The last three words of her message echoed in my mind for more than 90 seconds of reading it. I loved her too much to say it back.
I'm coming to pick you up in 10 minutes. Come out of your flat when I call
 I couldn't let myself or Samay regret not meeting up the last day.
***
"I'm coming with you just because you pushed me" He said as I took left way to Kiara's flat.
"I know, now just behave and don't be rude. Do this for me. We don't know when are we meeting next, So just be nice. Okay? No angry taunts"
I stopped and called Kiara, she was already standing out there and started walking to the car from a few meters away. She wore beige jacket and black jeans and carried her flattering handbag in style. Her mid hair curly bangs hanged on her shoulders. She looked beautiful as ever.
"What's upppppp babe" I tried to keep the situation normal as she got into the car.
"I'm sorry guys"
"Oh no relax"
***
Twenty minutes later of unusual semi formal talks in the car, we were back to the mall wondering what to do with lives anymore. With Samay not in his best tone to Kiara, it was just not the same. I took my phone out and called Aarav to get him out of office and have him with us so we four could have one last time together. Thankfully and to my surprise I didn’t have to beg him to join us. Aarav is super moody and not mostly available kind of friend but we still found it worth calling and having like having around, no matter what.
“I just hope Aarav comes on time, Kiara must have to leave soon for other plans” Samay finally broke he silence, as we stood near the cascades on the front of the mall waiting for Aarav. I smirked at Samay, I knew it would take him a few taunts to get normal.
Kiara had her very close friends outside our group which we many a times got irritated of when her plans with them clashed ours. Samay had a big time issue with this.
“I said I’m sorry Samay. I was stucked.”  Kiara said in her repentant tone.
Samay didn’t look at her, I slid my shoulder with his’ directing him to buy it and stay calm. He followed so.
“Here is my darling” out of nowhere, Aarav hugged Samay from behind.
We turned and side hugged Aarav after he was done with his extra special hug to Samay.
***
We four finally managed on one table of Brooklyn, where we paid little more than extra to have roadside feel of some other country. We loved the ambience though.
Kiara and Samay sat on one side of the table and me and Aarav on the other. It was mostly this way.
“Oh you look gorgeous Kiara” Aarav started, yes, thank you as if I was not even there.
Kiara winked and set her hair with her fingers.
“Yeah Motti, Click my picture with her” Samay got little closer to her. He could never stay mad at Kiara for too long. He’d get over too brusque, too impatient, too angry and yet always end up staying there for her, with her.
“Oh yes, pictures” Kiara posed along with Samay.
So we had this never ending picture session started.
“Hey hey, just because it’s my phone camera doesn’t mean I have to be the photographer” I handed my phone over to Aarav as I realized after clicking tens of pictures.
Samay posed casually with straight face and his ever drunk eyes. Kiara’s eyes, beautifully complimented with jet black eye liner added charm to each picture she was in. Aarav would pose like a cool dude, or for the purpose of fitting in square box of whatsapp display picture. While I tried posing natural but not so natural that I looked fat. We shifted places every minute so to have all permutations combinations clicked.
“Would you like some starters, Sir?” The well dressed waiter came to ask if we were there just to click pictures, but in a kind way.
“Oh yes, give us two minutes” Aarav said.
We ordered rum and beer with pizza and two of some fancy named snacks which we later regretted , I wanted to stay sober since I had to drive back home, so coffee for me.
Samay kept complaining how boring it was for him to stay all day at office with Kiara having left and me unnecessarily bunking. Though I just had my classes started so I didn’t want anyone to talk about what was up with my life, it stinked of Finals’ tutions. Aarav worked as an accounts head in some electricity department. So Samay always had a topic for him, why won’t he waive off his flat’s last year’s sixty thousand bill, which had nothing to do with Aarav’s job. And Aarav always had this one complaint why I never wrote about us. Kiara wasn’t too fond of the idea of going back to Shimla, though she was excited for redecorating her room back in her place and being with her family.
We got our order and clicked pictures with the food again, I had my coffee. Kiara wanted me to have a sip from her rum anyway, because shagun! The pizza we had there was a complete delight. Rest was all crap.
 We kept talking random with no intentions to leave till I got a call from mom.
***
“There is little something in your bag, see it only when I drop you” I looked at Kiara from the rear view mirror as she sat with Aarav in the back seat. I had written a few lines on a paper cloth about how special she was to me. This is all I ever had and will ever have, to gift to someone, my words. I had smartly slid it in her bag.
She instantly checked her bag till she realized something in it.
“This is lovely, Thank you so much” She blushed.
“That is very simple stuff, I know you have people who make you feel very special but I couldn’t do any better”
Samay nodded and looked at me with yes-i-totally-agree-with-you look. What he agreed to, in the back of his mind, was that she had more important people than we were to her.
“Don’t say like that Eleena, I feel beyond special right now” Kiara’s honesty was easily traceable.
I smiled.
We all got out of the car in 32’s market from where Kiara and Aarav had to depart. There were hugs, promises and plans of meeting soon. We promised Kiara that we’d soon visit her in Shimla and get super high. Deep inside we all knew that it wasn’t happening any soon. Aarav gave her best to Kiara and left as he had to drive long way to his home in time.
Kiara tightly hugged me one last time before leaving. It was then that I realized that she was actually going and I’ll not see her around anymore, though I rarely saw her those days.
I got back in the car waiving her goodbye and wishing her the best. Samay was already inside. He didn’t look back. 
“Is that a tear?” He broke the silence after I drove for few meters in silence.
“No! What? Why on the earth would I cry?” I looked in the right side sucking the tear back.
“See, it’s all good in the end, I told you so, Things shall never remain unfinished” I switched to flaunting how right it was to have farewell meet.
“You are the best” Samay was happy and sad altogether.
“HaHa” I winked.
“Eleena”
“aHaan”
“I really like this girl” He confessed as I stopped the car at a hundred seconds red light.
“Sure you do, I know that” I smiled for him.
He was smiling like a crazy person.
“No, I mean I can never stay mad at her. She is very special to me.”
“I get that Samay.” I tapped the back of her right hand.
“How do you get that? ”
“Oh come on, you never behave that way when I get late or delay plans. I looked at him expecting him to make an eye contact, which he didn’t. “You know what I mean”
The car behind me blew horn to drive through the green light.
“Waise It’s always you and me in the end” he continued to switch subjects and his liking for Kiara to his liking for me.
“Hahaa yes always”
“Why don’t you become Aarav’s pakhar ?” he had to use this Punjabi word for girlfriend every now and then, which me and Aarav taught him.
“Oh please!” I was used to this disgusted reaction irrespective of even discovering how I felt. We laughed.
I wondered all my way back, what was it about these people, I loved them. What exactly Samay had for Kiara for he had never wanted to have her  and how Kiara felt about it. Why couldn’t we dislike Aarav for ditching us on two trip plans in a row. What could be better than what me and Samay shared (bhai bhai). The flashback of Aarav and Samay’s darling hug made me think if these two could be gay. And why was I missing Kiara already when I had peacefully spent weeks not even seeing her. I wondered why was love so narrowly defined.





Friday, 14 November 2014

That day.That moment.

So many years later
of ever working hours 
and invariably paid bills,  
of loving your own people,
unnoticed as ever,
the inherited goodness  
for no conviction, and
behind discrete kindness
for unworthy.
A day shall come, when
you'll stand in front of mirror
and look into the only pair of eyes
that matter,
there'll be a pale face, around
too-late-to-realize years old.
You'll smile test yourself, and get
the unhealed remains of your heart
the dead memories of good times
lingering on your lips.
A time shall come,
when out of nowhere
and nothingness,
you'll have yourself, knocking
at your own door
craving to move back
within you, baggage free.
You'll probably let 
the lost stranger from past in
and with no time, 
it shall fit like a puzzle piece
into the emptiness of a lifetime.

Sunday, 12 October 2014

In the crave of being a right person, we forgot being ourselves. 
Dear girls,
Respect the man who respects you, when you're not around.

Friday, 10 October 2014

If we cannot keep ourselves from doing good even to people who care the least, let's just accept that we are too good to be unkind. 

Monday, 6 October 2014

I just wonder how our lives would be if there was no social networking.
How less people we would have known.

How more we could have known less people.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

It doesn't take hatred to stop loving someone. It takes forgiveness.

Monday, 29 September 2014

Being Human

Then there's this day
when you find more hair 
in your comb, and the pillow
that you lay back on 
dreaming the remains of life.
Standing on the inception
of untimely losing process
that ends till
there's nothing to lose,
You feel sick of your nails,
your shadow, the touch
of your own skin and 
the stuff of your clothes.
You want no next generation,
trapped into the viciousness
of blood, emotions, tears
or even smiles, especially
the wrinkles you foresee, 
initiated over by your forehead
when you're too young to be old.
Will there be a day too,
when you finally lose
the ability to over think
or think at all,
and the grudged memories
ultimately fade, instead of
hiding under the years
of my age or pictures of time.
If so happens or not,
you long for the day
when you're no weak enough
to deal with the
randomity of being a human.


Thursday, 11 September 2014

I write

In the inconsiderate world
too much in hurry to stop by
and peek into the sorrows,
I write myself
in blue dark days,
the wretched unmade bed,
the ill-lit room lights
and in loud cry of silence,
I write myself
On the table pavements,
the sheer mythical curtains.
and on the final books' pages
I write for the people downstairs,
the influential mankind,
the poverty of love
and for that now-changed-man.
I write myself, about
the old astray dreams,
the fantasies of the kid,
the stories of yesterdays
and intents of tomorrows.
I write myself 
in the emptiness of hours
on the surface of the sky
for the crave of spilling it out
about me and them.
And then I delete
the harsh uttered words,
I hide it all
under the undone pillows,
put it behind my own walls
and wipe it off my heart.
For the paradox, I picture
them as the broken ones
and I write myself
the promise of unbrokenness.




Monday, 8 September 2014

Let's Begin Again

Catch me looking at you
again,
as I sit on the bench
next to you,
immeasurable miles
and an infinity far from you.
Walk past the time n miles.
Walk to me,
like a curious stranger
to learn my name.
Hold my hand, 
with assorted feelings 
of interminable zeal 
and fear.
Accept my smile and
credit me with one alike
as I look at you, for 
the second first time.
Out for the new story,
Let's sing those songs again
and celebrate us.
Someday, Somewhere
Let's meet again
and know each other.
This life or tomorrow night
Let's fall in love again
and rise together.




Friday, 29 August 2014

"Your writings are so lively. They just talk. They tell so many stories. Which one is yours?" Sameer was so curious to know.
"They are all mine" 
"No I mean which one is your story, your own?" he asked again.
"Every poem is my story, Each line is my story." I said.
The biggest challenge I've seen every guy going through is to convince girls that he is not 'that kind of guy'. 

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

She

She is not how you see her, hell no! She is totally not what you all think of her. She just exchanged a smile with the guy and you reckon it's a big deal? Just because she had a bad experience with one guy, doesn't stop her life. Did it stop yours? She never forgot how to love or trust, and when you ask her why hasn't she learnt that having expectations hurt and trusting someone is worse. She'd say "I like people, I love to love, I believe there's some part of everyone that deserves to be trusted atleast for once." How could someone think so simple and logical and happily sound stupid to us?  Now that she is putting her trust in this guy, you call her hopeless. Alright, she puts her heart and love untimely, but she doesn't trust anyone enough to not ever break it. If she can take and accept the pain of someone who broke her heart forever, she can take anything you break of her. I have known her since she was young and silly, she is still young and silly, and she might be just old and silly tomorrow. But she won't ever choose to grow sensible enough to never love. She trusted one person after another, not because she couldn't go by herself, neither it's her way to hurt herself, it's just her way to discover herself, and learn about people, about you and me and most of all about love.

Monday, 18 August 2014

The Promise

Counting on
the miles between our ends,
the unapproachable time
and the cities that set us apart.
I discover contentment
against the mutuality
of our language,
our loyalty
and our love.
Her denial to deny,

acceptance instead, of
my pique, displeasure
annoyance and all that
I even fail to name,
odds-on why we still are
the way we are, with 
the forever promise,
we vowed
on my first school day.
And she, same with

her heart, that grew
no wiser in past fifteen years,
holding my hand, 
with no intention to leave
ever,
restoring my faith in love,
infecting me with greatness.

Monday, 11 August 2014

The inside: It follows you

Isn't it just too hard
running away from
the memory generating
places, to shifting to
new whereabouts.
From the bygone
companionship, to
liking forsaken happiness.
From the good old, now
changed times, to
finding new tomorrows.
From all the love
melodies and playlists, to
nothing and emptiness.
And when you're there,
you find your core
loaded with
the innumerable memories
of people you left behind,
the ten digits you deleted
everywhere but your mind.
the echoing songs, you're
now afraid to listen to.
and the same old
hopeless you.
Isn't it just too
impossible to run away
from yourself?

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

An old friend

The day ends and he asks
'Didn't you write anything today? '
To me, that's not an inquiry
No merely a question
Not even a formality
One does to keep a friend
And I think back
Why haven't I written about this yet
About this man 
Who doesn't only read my write, 
Admires it, 
Compliments me, 
Not all the times everyone does.
Appreciates me the most, 
Not when I don't deserve.
Enjoys my oddness in public, 
Not when I try faking it
Listens to my long stupid stories, 
Always
Who is obsessed with me, 
Only when I make him feel proud.
Who reminds me who I am
Every time I forget.
Why haven't I yet talked about this to my pen
That there's someone
who was there when nobody was, 
who will be there even when
I won't be there for myself, 
He knows the inside of me, 
He cares enough to scold me
When I set the bar of my life lower.
He is eternal,

He is an old friend.

Friday, 1 August 2014

The closest distant friend (Yes, you brother)

Just as, I sit with mom
prattling about
how we finally, solely
have the hall to us.
No more reeky socks
or slothfulness he spreads,
or Ten Sports' commentary.
We sit there,
sucking the happiness
out of the walls, that 
talk of him,
about him, so loud.
The calendar there, that
has 12 different pictures
of same us,
smartly lies of togetherness
the whole year.
And secretly,
the floor, the windows,
the TV remote, ache 
to feel his presence.
especially the wall clock,
t'was put outside the room,
every night, for it's ticks 
every second muddled
our boy's creative mind.
We laugh it out,
I hide my heart in my pocket
as we talk about 
his November flight to us.
'cause I fail to name the emotion
that brings me infinte zeal
and happiness, followed by
a longer goodbye. 

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Sometimes you have to be a bad person, to be a better person to yourself.

Friday, 25 July 2014

"No one is rich enough to have a luxurious happy life without inner peace."

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

"He wanted us to get back together."
"Oh my God, that's great, I mean I don't know, I'm so excited, you guys were so amazing together, What did you say? Oh damn me! Of course, you would have chosen to be with him instead of being sad" she put up with the self answered questions out of excitement.
"Mayra, I chose peace" 

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Always

Every next winter,
when we no longer
be a part of each other,
I'll send you
a blanket of my warmth
with a part of my heart.
For, out beyond the
distances and grudges,
I'll always care for you.
Every next morning,
when my last dream
will be about you,
I'll wail a tear 
in the memory of 
all times, we dreamed 
to relive in real.
For, with every rain
and all the love songs,
I'll always miss you.
Every next time,
when I'll feel forlorn 
for no reason,
I'll close my eyes
to not feel
the unfilled gap
between my fingers.
For, from every yesterday
to all tomorrows,
I'll always love you.

Monday, 14 July 2014

The untying ties

I wake up, everyday
and I find a little changed
everyone.
May be we all grow up
or may be
this is how we are.
As though the friend, who
I can no longer count on, 
for we lost us 
to ego and time.
Maybe, that's
how attachments are, we
forget the worth someday.
And bewildering it is
having the brother
who's there for me,
never here with me.
May be, that's
how relations are,of which
denotations get wiser.
She married happily, and 
I prayed the finest for her.
yet, her red & white bangles
exasperate me, while that
sister holds my hand.
May be, that's
how ties are, some are
slacked to build new ones.
We promised each other,
the span between today
and eternity, that turned
shorter than forever.
May be
that's how strings are.
The older I get,
the lesser I understand.

Friday, 11 July 2014

"I don't understand Mayra! I was doing fine. Really fine. And when I thought I was actually getting over him, he texted me! Like seriously? He wants me to hang in there for the rest of my life just to see in case he changes his fucking mood! No, don't think I 'm crying! I'm not crying because I don't know what I want. These are tears of anger! I feel so  aggravated, he just wrote a message like he still cares for me and boom! I'm back to level zero where I have to start moving on all over again! Don't you think I'm feeling messed up again, I'm fine, it's just......" it's just that..."
"Edha, Edha shhhhh, my girl, come here. It's okay." she gave me the much needed hug while I broke down.
"This is life. It just is what it is. It's not always fair. It's never fair" she said.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

"Mayra, What is the best thing that Ryan ever did to you?"
"He never let me leave, even when I wanted to. Most important, he never left. The best thing Ryan did to me till today is that he kept all the promises he never made" she said.

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Sandcastles

With hopes and faith,
the life's sand and
water unerringly in ratio
mixed into first dorodango,
Put up the fortress
of your dreams,
sparse somewhere,
somewhere dense.
Crooked may be
like those crumpled times
you couldn't set straight.
Build it up, with
all goods and evils
within you,
high somewhere,
somewhere low.
Overlook the waves you see,
and the rain foreseen.
Raise it higher
like it's to stay 
for one eternity.
Place on the top, your
most precious shells of all. 
since no terror's worth 
missing the playfulness,
Paint it as vast 
as you fancy, before
you depart the beach of life.
For when you leave it lone,
A tide washes it away,
anyway.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

You and I

Only if you never left,
yesternight.
Like the wind and the chimes,
You and I'd still be found together,
at someplace in hills
around the world,
sipping the oddest tea,
we find on the way.
with you clicking pictures 
endlessly,
of me and us
till I like one perfect.
You don't get for me, roses
or chocolates or any fancy.
I don't miss it a bit.
You crack  the silliest jokes
instead of telling 
that you love me,
and I laugh
harder than every last time,
looking away like every time.
So you don't tell me that
I have astounding improper teeth
and my smile is curiously odd.
Yet you do, like every time.
You don't tell me
what I mean to you, instead
take my hand and say
"I want to feel like this,
for the rest of my life"
Only if I never let you leave,
yesternight.
You and I'd still be found together,
like the sun and the shine.
But because
We parted like two countries,
to celebrate independence.
You and I
are now,
just You
and I.

Friday, 6 June 2014

Sunday, 1 June 2014

If hard work was the only key to success, the percentage of successful people would have been much higher. Thankfully, it takes confidence, smartness, commitment and a lot more. 

Friday, 30 May 2014

Hard Times

You do admit that,
You have that one evocative secret,
you'll never share with anyone.
And you do have days
when you feel woeful
for no apparent reason.
There is one person, you carry
the weight of, in your heavy heart.
That one confused memory,
you want to get rid of or 
live all over again at once.
For one time, 
you let down the most important person,
or the other way round.
That one moment,
when you had to let go off something,
you wanted to hold on till eternity.
One hopeless day,
when you felt utterly worthless.
One close friend,
who ditched you for your friend.
One dear thing,
you accidentally lost or broke.
One nostalgic song,
you keep on fighting with.
And atleast one pathetic time,
when you thought everything's fallen
and things were never getting better.
Kudos, you outlived that.
It's okay to feel worthless,
or confused, or sad sometimes
and not have reason for it.
You see, if
All times were happy,
No times were happy.

Monday, 26 May 2014

The moment you stop expecting is the moment you start getting. 
#truestory

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

If you don't have any dreams, Find a fear and work your ass off.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

They say "All's well that ends well'. Why it isn't that all's well that had been well throughout, just didn't end well?

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Men are to be understood

With arms wrapped 
around my sensitive body,
He dived
Into the ocean of my eyes,
to the depths of my heart,
reaching to touch my soul.
I lost a little.
He pulled me even closer,
to confuse his breath with mine,
I lost a bit more.
He clicked my hair flick
behind my ear,
his fingers crossed my face
touching my cheeks.
I lost a little bit more.
I looked in his eyes,
and couldn't help
to lose even more & say it all
in just three magical words.
This time,
His arms loosened a little,
his grip over me,
He rose up from the
waters of my eyes, heart & soul
Like a lost diver
Who got afraid of losing his breath.
"We can't cross the line" he said
"We can't have attachments"
I lost it all.
I didn't understand 
why and what was said
I didn't understand 
the love I was still feeling inside,
Why his arms were still around me
And didn't understand the guy,
Who got the first pleasure 
to sniff my hair like that.
I understand it now,
that Men are meant to be understood,
not loved.‎

Saturday, 10 May 2014

The Unsaid

Break ups are tough, especially those relationships when you thought that you were done with search of all next lives. I can't help writing down the last Wednesday. Like one of the regular days when I get back from office with 'What a waste of life' expression. Working your ass off against 750 bucks a month is not passable sometimes. 
I entered home with wrinkled forehead, carrying heavy files in my left arm, checking my whatsapp messages on the phone in my right hand. My whatsapp works only when I get into the wifi zone of my place.
Mom was watching T.V. in the room, one of the very rare times when I see her body at rest.
"Edha beta, Come join me" she said wanting me to agree or even atleast disagree.
"Hmmm" I left for my room making a meaningless sound like every other time when I'm not in a mood to reply.
I went back to her within two minutes to avoid the unnecessary thoughts that I'd be having sitting in my room, alone.
"Come here" she spreads her left arm sitting on the bed, half lying.
I sit and let half of me disappear in there.
"How was the day?" she asked not looking at me, but the LED screen.
"Fine" I said,with the not in a mood to talk tone.
I was feeling way too weak, so I slid down and kept my head in her lap. She welcomed.
"You know what?" She said brushing my long hair with her fingers.
"Hmm" I said, suggesting her to continue.
"You're one of the best things that ever happened to us" she said out of being the mother to me.
I kind of ignored.
"Anyone who can see you smile, has his ears working to hear your shrill voice and can feel the skin of your palm," she kept her hand on mine, which I had put on my stomach, "would never deny your camaraderie, no matter how tough you are" and continued, conveying the fact that she can see through my eyes and land in my heart to see what I am going through, like every mother in the world.
"How could you even for a moment think that I'd let you marry a blind deaf?" she took the veil down
 between two of us about something I could never share with her.
I broke down, inside.
A silence crept in the room for next forty seconds.
 I hadn't felt this light in past 3 months.
"Maa What would I do without you?" I finally said something, with tears dying to come out of my eyes.
She smiled tapping my hand, telling me that I was stupid for saying that. I smiled back, hopelessly.
She returned back to watching her one of the Peace of mind channels. I shifted my my eyes there too.

Sunday, 4 May 2014

This is Why

I'm told often, 
My poems are sad, 
My write touches
and my stories are incomplete.
Friends ask
Why I still have your stuff
When you're gone.
Why didn't I burn the pictures
in which we're still together.
Bhai says
I need to stop
thinking, 
reacting to it, 
and writing about it.
My heart tells me
that I deserve better, 
tells me to really delete it all.
But, 
I fail to convince them
that your stuff is reality to me, 
introduces me to life.
Our pictures are reminder
to my conscious, 
conveys me that nothing lasts forever
Not having you makes me realize, 
that what one deserves
is not what one always wants.
And I fail to tell, even with
all broken pieces of my write
that to me, you are ceaseless.
To me, you are my poetry.